it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
