don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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