break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
