garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
