just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
