NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
