I am spending my child support on dildos
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
