similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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