just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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