omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
