saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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