Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
