Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
