Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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