Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
