i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
