K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
