I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
