3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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