Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
