im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
