dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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