You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
