the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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