I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
