Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
