people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
