I think im going to throw up on grandma
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
