i just snorted my name. best moment ever
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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