Sry I called you an 8
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
