There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
