I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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