I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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