I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
