I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
