I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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