I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
