the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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