I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
