Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
