Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
