I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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