i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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