Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
