i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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