Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
