did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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