she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
