sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
