You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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