Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
